Introduction: The Man Who Brought Gestalt to Europe
In 1969, a young psychologist named Bob Resnick boarded a plane to Rotterdam. Fritz Perls, one of the founders of , had asked him to bring Gestalt to Europe for the first time. “I may be the luckiest psychotherapist in the world,” Resnick later reflected. “That one invitation opened up fifty years of teaching and learning across cultures.”
Who was Bob Resnick? A Gestalt therapist, trainer, and storyteller. But above all, a man who believed that therapy was not about playing roles or fixing people—it was about meeting each other authentically, in the here and now. His words remain a compass for anyone curious about Gestalt, relationships, and what it means to be fully human.
Connection at the Core: The Human Dilemma
For Resnick, the essence of Gestalt therapy was not technique but relationship.
“The basic human dilemma is how to be connected to another and maintain yourself.”
This dilemma shows up in every relationship: parent and child, husband and wife, therapist and client. Too much closeness, and we lose ourselves in fusion. Too much distance, and we drift into isolation. The art of living is the movement between the two—contact and withdrawal, connection and separation.
As a father, grandfather, and husband, Resnick lived this dance. He valued connection above all, but he insisted that withdrawal is just as vital. Without the space to breathe, contact suffocates. Without moments of connection, individuality becomes loneliness.
💡 Reflection: Where do you lean—toward merging too much, or pulling away too often? How do you find your rhythm between closeness and independence?
The Gift from Gestalt: Permission to Be Yourself
When Resnick first trained in psychoanalysis and behaviorism, he was expected to put on the white coat, speak in the language of diagnosis, and “play doctor.” At the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute, he recalls feeling like an actor reading lines.
Then came Fritz Perls and Jim Simkin. “Here I was not only told to be me,” Resnick said, “but I was tapped on the shoulder—and sometimes nudged in the butt—if I wasn’t being me.”
It was a revelation: therapy wasn’t about performance, it was about presence. Gestalt allowed him to drop the mask of expert and show up as a person.
This was no easy permission—it required courage. Being authentic meant showing his uncertainty, his difference, his humanity. But it was liberating. He often said that without Gestalt, he would have burned out decades earlier.
💡 Reflection: Where in your life do you feel pressured to “play a role”? What might happen if you dropped the performance, even a little?
Theory as Lived Experience: When Ideas Become You
Resnick loved theory—but only when it was embodied.
“When I’m working well, I’m not thinking theory at all. It’s in me. I’ve assimilated it. If therapy is flowing, I don’t look like you, and you don’t look like me. That’s not only okay—it’s essential.”
He warned against cloning: therapists who imitate their teachers instead of finding their own style. “If you look too much like me, then you’re only a second-rate Bob. And I’d be a second-rate you.”
For him, theory mattered only when it informed practice. Otherwise, it was just intellectual entertainment.
💡 Reflection: What ideas in your life have become so lived, so integrated, that you no longer have to think about them—they simply shape how you move in the world?
Encounters with Fritz: Mandates, Nudges, and Saying No
Some of Resnick’s most formative moments came from his relationship with Fritz Perls.
- A Mandate to Europe (1969): Fritz asked him to introduce Gestalt to Europe. The young American psychologist found himself in Rotterdam, teaching a therapy that was born in Europe but had matured in America. That invitation opened fifty years of international work.
- A Model for Couples: When Resnick told Fritz he was seeing couples but found little theory on the subject, Fritz sheepishly admitted: “I’m not very good at that.” Then he added: “That would be a good thing for you.” Resnick took it as a mandate—and spent the next five decades developing a Gestalt model of primary relationships.
- Saying No: Not every invitation was followed. When Fritz encouraged him to start a competing institute in New York, Resnick refused. “You fight with your own wife,” he told Fritz, “I’m not getting involved in that.”
His choices show the Gestalt spirit: taking in what nourishes, spitting out what doesn’t.
💡 Reflection: Have you ever had to say no to someone you admired deeply, in order to stay true to yourself?
The Larger Field: Therapy in a Changing World
In later years, Resnick turned his attention to a bigger question: how can Gestalt address global issues?
Climate change. Migration. Political polarization. “Clients come to talk about their fight with their spouse,” he said. “They don’t come to be recruited into thinking about global warming. And yet, these larger field issues affect us all.”
For him, the challenge was: how do therapists stay rooted in the personal while also being awake to the global? Therapy cannot solve climate change—but awareness of the larger field can deepen how we understand our lives.
💡 Reflection: When you think about your personal struggles, how are they connected to the wider world? What bigger “field” do they live in?
Love, Relationships, and the Fusion Trap
One of Resnick’s greatest contributions was in couples therapy. He challenged the romantic ideal of fusion—“two become one.”
“In fusion, two become one, and then there are none,” he warned. Fusion may feel safe at first, but it erases individuality. It leads to what he called the “secretly miserably married”: couples who stay together, not out of nourishment, but out of fear, duty, or resignation.
Instead, he championed the connection model: two people in an ongoing dance of contact and withdrawal, presence and space. Only here can both partners stay alive, authentic, and nourished.
💡 Reflection: In your closest relationships, do you allow both connection and space? Where do you fall into fusion—or into distance?
The Challenge and the Gift of Awareness
For Resnick, awareness was the heart of Gestalt. He explained it through a simple sequence:
- Movement creates difference.
- Difference creates awareness.
- Awareness creates choice.
Without difference, there is no awareness—like fingers in body-temperature water, boundaries disappear. Change the temperature slightly, and suddenly awareness returns.
To illustrate this, Resnick designed creative experiments. For men afraid of commitment, he once suggested: “Drive for a week without using reverse gear.” Very quickly, they discovered how limited their choices became. Without the possibility of “no,” every “yes” became terrifying.
Awareness restores choice. And choice is freedom.
💡 Reflection: Where in your life do you long for more choice? What small experiment could you try to bring new awareness?
From Childhood Survival to Adult Character
Resnick also spoke about how our early survival strategies become fixed into character.
Children, he explained, are born into environments they did not choose. If a child grows up in chaos, they may learn to withdraw, keep quiet, and scan carefully before acting. This is creative, even lifesaving.
But what once was healthy becomes rigid. As adults, we may still live by the same survival rules, long after the danger has passed. Resnick called this anachronistic character—behaviors that were once adaptive, now outdated. Like driving a horse and buggy on a superhighway.
💡 Reflection: What old survival strategies do you still carry, even though your environment has changed?
Closing: Showing Up Authentically
Bob Resnick’s legacy is a simple yet powerful invitation: show up as yourself, in contact with others, aware of the field around you.
Gestalt, in his eyes, was not a technique but a way of living: being present, authentic, aware, and willing to dance between contact and withdrawal.
So perhaps the question he leaves us with is this:
👉 Today, what would it mean for you to show up a little more as yourself—in your relationships, in your choices, in your life?
New Contemporary Gestalt: Tradition Alive and Evolving
Resnick often described his work as New Contemporary Gestalt Therapy. By this he meant that Gestalt’s foundations—existentialism, field theory, phenomenology, and dialogue—remain solid. Yet therapy cannot stay frozen in the 1950s or 60s.
“To stay alive and vital, any system must be open to integrating new information, and discriminating which of that information fits with its worldview,” Resnick explained.
In the early days, Gestalt was sometimes distorted into wild encounter groups where “authenticity” meant doing whatever you felt. Resnick called this a misuse: “There was a lot of damage done in those days by these distortions.”
The new contemporary Gestalt he envisioned was different:
- It honors process over content—not just problem-solving, but exploring how people live, relate, and make meaning.
- It seeks awareness that leads to choice, not just catharsis or expression.
- It adapts to the world we live in today—considering cultural context, global issues, and relational complexity—while still rooted in its original pillars.
For Resnick, Gestalt wasn’t a museum piece. It was alive, evolving, and capable of speaking to new generations.
💡 Reflection: In your own life, where do you hold on to tradition—and where do you let things evolve to stay alive?
Key Takeaways from Bob Resnick
- Connection is a dance: The human dilemma is balancing closeness and individuality. Healthy relationships move between contact and withdrawal.
- Be yourself, not your role: Gestalt invites authenticity. Therapy (and life) works best when we stop “playing doctor” or hiding behind masks.
- Theory must live in you: Real learning shows up in practice, not in memorized concepts. Assimilate, don’t imitate.
- Say yes and no wisely: Even to mentors. Growth means choosing your own path.
- The wider field matters: Personal struggles exist inside larger global issues. Therapy should honor both.
- Fusion kills relationships: “Two become one, and then there are none.” True intimacy comes from connection without erasing individuality.
- Awareness restores choice: Movement → Difference → Awareness → Choice. Without awareness, there is no freedom.
- Old survival habits become character: What saved us in childhood can trap us in adulthood. Awareness interrupts the cycle.
- Experiments open possibilities: Trying something new creates fresh awareness and new choices.
- Gestalt is a way of living: Show up authentically, stay aware, and let contact guide you.
REFERENCES:
Robert W Resnick, Ph D – New Contemporary Gestalt Therapy
Humans of Gestalt- Bob Resnick
Bob Resnick, Keynote speaker — EAGT Gestalt Conference 2019, Budapest, Hungary.
Introduction to the Resnick’s Connection Model of Couple’s Therapy
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