I would like to share the “Gestalt prayer” of Fritz and Laura Perls, who introduced Gestalt therapy to the world in the 1940s:

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.

(Fritz Perls, 1969)

One of the treatment methods of Gestalt therapy is the “empty chair technique“.

* Those who have difficulty expressing  feelings or not being able to express them at all,

*Those who have  difficulty connecting with emotions,

* It gives very effective results in people with unresolved issues (unclosed issues, unconfronted people, suppressed emotions, secrets kept, unrealized goodbyes (such as sudden death), unbreakable ties with deceased loved ones, illness, etc.).

It is not necessary to have experienced deep pain or trauma to use this technique. It is a very effective work for issues and feelings that bother you, also the more manageable and superficial ones.

The technique is quite simple, but sometimes there are reactions such as “How am I going to talk to an empty chair?” After we get over this reaction and are ready to work, let’s move on to the details of this work that I would recommend adding to our lives:

Our subconscious or our cells are not interested in what we are talking to, whether we talk to ourself, to the sea, to the wall, to another friend, to our doctor, to our pet at home or whatever… As long as you are willing to talk.

Let your name be MARY, and the opposite person name shall be JOHN. Let John be your ex, whom you broke up with, who made you very sad and therefore you continue to feel negative emotions.

2 chairs are positioned opposite each other. Mary/you are sitting on one of them, and you are imagining John, the person with whom you have a problem, on the empty chair opposite you. Before you start working, take 3-5 deep breaths, focus on the present moment, and feel as if the other person is there. Talking into the void may seem silly at first, even if you’re on your own, you might say “oh, what’s the point now”, but once you start, the things that will come out will surprise you. Don’t give up!

You started to talk to the empty chair, express to John unlimitedly whatever you feel, what you think. It is very important that you express everything that comes to your mind. Speak like a shotgun, there is a point where you can be very open and limitless, as the person is not in front of you. You will not experience anything that may upset you. Therefore, you are free. Speak as much as you want, make sure nothing is left inside you, try to put everything into words.
You pour your heart out, you feel like you have nothing more to say, well, it’s not over yet, now it’s time to switch roles! This is one of the most effective moments.
“I’m Mary, I thank John’s higher self for listening to me” and close your role by saying “I’m finishing my work here”.

Then, take a deep breath and replace John’s empty chair in front of you. Addressing the empty chair: “I am now John, and you are Mary. I am speaking to you as John.” Take another deep breath, without getting caught up in thoughts like ‘How should I speak as John now?’ – this may surely pass through your thoughts in your first attempt. Start speaking to Mary. It is crucial to speak without any brain games such as ‘Would John have said this?’ or ‘John would have said exactly that, and Mary would have wanted to hear it.’

“Speak without thinking“, and you may find yourself expressing things that even surprise you. Speak until you feel there is nothing left inside you. You might wonder where all these emotions came from. During this process, try to pay attention to any movements or sensations in your body. For example, when I do these exercises, a tremendous energy movement begins in my heart and throat area. When your words come to an end, this time, thank Mary for listening to me, say, “Now I am leaving my role,” and close your session. Be yourself again.

If Mary still wants to talk, you can continue this chair role reversal. It is very effective to pour out your heart until there is not a single word left in you.
You can repeat this exercise as many times as you want. You can do it with anyone you want.

What can change in your life after the study ends:
*You may have a much clearer idea of ​​the emotions that are confusing and bothering you. You can capture a completely different perspective.
*You may experience that the negative bond between you and that person is no longer in its former strength, and even that your feelings have completely changed.
*An unexpected news, communication request may come from that person. You can face it and convey what you want to say to him.
*You will feel much more peaceful and balanced, and you will realize that all the emotions you have not expressed affect your progress.
*Your relationship with the person changes, and because you change, the relationship gains another momentum as the energies also change. It is very interesting…

Empty chair work is not only done between people and people, but also between people and diseases and emotions, and extremely effective results are obtained.

DISEASE EXAMPLE:

For example, you have cancer. You can talk to your cancer. Like this:

2 chairs are positioned opposite each other. Mary/you are sitting on one of them, and you are imagining your cancer in the empty chair opposite you. Before you start working, take 3-5 deep breaths, focus on the present moment and enter the feeling as if the disease is there.

Very interesting confessions can come up when we talk to diseases. I will write an “example scenario”:

I am afraid of you, I am afraid of dying, I am afraid of you spreading inside me and suffering. But on the other hand, I am very happy that because of you, my family pays more attention to me, my mother has never taken care of me this much before, I feel happier, I am both afraid of you and happy that you exist (I wrote a very extreme but very common scenario)
Then, as Mary, you thank your illness when you are finished talking and you step out of your role as Mary and enter your cancer role. You start talking to Mary as cancer. The words that will appear here are very important!

Mary, you have been smoking for a long time. I am actually the form in your body of the sentences that you are afraid to express, that you have trapped in your smoke and inhaled deeply. I have become visible, permeated into your every cell, I am spreading, unless you express yourself, I will spread by getting stronger. What did they say? What you suppress grows stronger and eventually explodes. Just like a pressure cooker. How does it make a sound with the pressure created, right? This is how I announce your voice to the world.
While these studies are being carried out, it will be much more beneficial if they are carried out with professional support. Because the selection of words, their meanings and interpretation will gain more depth with psychological support.

EMOTION EXAMPLE:
You carry a constant anger inside you.
2 chairs are positioned opposite each other. Mary/you are sitting on one of them, and you imagine your “feeling of anger” in the empty chair opposite you. Before you start working, take 3-5 deep breaths, focus on the present moment and enter the emotion as if the emotion was there.
Let me set up an example dialog:
Mary to anger: I’m tired of constantly feeling you as a strong energy inside me, you seem to explode at any moment. You make my life difficult, people have always defined me angry, you negatively affect my relationships, I don’t understand where you got so strong, you bother me. When I feel anger, there is a strong energy in my chest area, my heart is pounding, I feel like crying, I want to throw everything what is around me etc.

(describe in detail, what is happening inside you?)

“Speaking without thinking and being sincere” is the golden key here. Also, expressing the feelings that the situation has created in you instead of making accusations brings the hidden truths to the surface. When you have decided that you have said everything inside you, switch roles, that is, take the opposite chair, be the anger itself and start talking to Mary/yourself.

Out of anger to Mary: Mary, you can’t speak up in your communication with people, you even accept the things you don’t agree with because your relationship will deteriorate, you always feel crushed, in this case, I am growing and getting stronger inside, I am about to explode. When are you planning to talk and express your opinions??? Don’t you have your own feelings, thoughts? Did you come here to live for someone else? If your relationship will break when you say your opinion, let it be. Where is your presence? You are missing anyway, what would it be if it broke down? Now I get stronger, now I explode, as you keep quiet, I grow. I’ll get stronger until I explode…etc vs.

It is a valuable guide for us to pay attention to and understand the emotions that we constantly carry within us.

“When cutting grass, the roots are not pulled out, when spring arrives, the grass grows back.”

Chinese idiom

In what situations can you use the empty chair technique:

1. With people with whom you have an “unfinished business” (family members, friends, people with whom you do business, your partner, etc.)
2. With the emotions you carry/repeat, if any, such as depression, anger, sadness, mourning
3. With some of your characteristics (such as perfectionism, meticulousness, being constantly late)
4. When starting a new job (fear of the employer, preparing for the interview, etc.)
5. With your illness
6. for any issue that bothers you